Wednesday, 13 December 2017
Englishman in Dubrovnik Englishman in Dubrovnik

Don’t make a bucket list (unless you have a pocket full of Prozac)

By  Mark Thomas Jul 24, 2017

Bucket lists are depressing! The unbearable heat has forced me to have some very early mornings (and late nights) and plenty of time for my mind to wander. It’s always dangerous, at least me for, when you have too much time on your hands. Brains (yes, even mine) are powerful computers that when left without a purpose tend to dream up crazy things. So one early morning as the sun was breaking over Cavtat I started to think of my bucket list.

I guess the reason this was fresh in my mind was that I was talking to a couple of English friends the night before about making one. ”Oh, you don’t have one,” they looked shocked. “Never really got around to it and besides I’m probably too young,” I replied. The too young part was a lie. So here I was sitting in my boxer shorts in front of my laptop trying to write a bucket list as the rest of the house snored.

“So are you supposed to make a top ten and is that list in order of importance,” I mumbled to myself. And here is the first reason why bucket lists are depressing, I couldn’t even think of a top three let alone a top ten. To be honest all I had written was the line “My Bucket List.” I didn’t even have one item. Was this because I had done everything possible there is to do? No! There were countless options to add on my list but not one of them really appealed to me.

So it hit Google for some hints (again depressing) and it seemed that there was a list for all types of people. There was even a 10,000 piece bucket list! I took a much smaller list for ideas – a top ten.

Here is the list: 1 - Have a holiday home abroad – well I kind of live abroad and I have a home so I’ll leave that one of the list for now. 2 – Learn a language – well done that one (almost). 3 - Ride a camel – how the hell is riding a camel so high up the list. I wouldn’t want to do this is you paid me, I’d just feel sorry for the camel. 4 - Drive a racing car – well this one could be interesting let’s not discount this one just yet. 5 - Own a designer watch – WTF! I don’t even have a normal watch and I have zero desire to own one with someone else’s name on it.

6 - Learn to play an instrument – ah, the first sensible one. I can’t say I’ve ever really wanted to play any instrument but when you see and hear someone play the saxophone or guitar for a fleeting moment I feel jealous.

7 - Go to a casino in Las Vegas – can’t think of a worse combination. I have never really seen the point of casinos. If I had the need to lose money I would....no, I have never felt the need to lose money. And going to a plastic city in the middle of the dessert...well, no thank you. 8 - Get a tattoo – why would someone put that on a bucket list? That’s something you do when you are 18, drunk (or high) and standing right outside a tattoo shop. And bucket lists are something you do nearer the end of your life, so how the hell does getting a tattoo help me? 9 – Sleep with two (or more) women/men – ah, well...not quite sure how to comment on this one. Just to be diplomatic I will leave that on off the list. 10 - Feed a penguin – a very specific item to have on a bucket list, in fact slightly strange. Ok, I wouldn’t find feeding a penguin (not in London Zoo I have done that) but in the wild. I mean it isn’t really something I would love to do but I guess I have to fill the list somehow.

Then I thought about the reason for making a bucket list, and got depressed again. And these things you want to do before you die. But what if you don’t do them all? What if I am one short? Who will complete the list for me? It was 5.30 and the sun was almost up. Underneath the title “My Bucket List” I had three items. Basically if I could drive a Formula 1 car across Antarctica whilst throwing fish out the window and listening to a CD on how to play the accordion I would complete my whole list in one – 3 in 1.

I guess I am not a planner. I am much more of a “go with the flow” person. If you set out to complete the list in a tunnel vision sense then you are likely to miss adventures, attractions, or spontaneous offers. And as we know, it’s those random side adventures that make life worth living. I deleted my bucket list and slide back into bed.

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